tales from the middle.
It started with two blue lines. Two blue lines resulting from bodily fluids reacting with a chemical strip. Melinda came into the bedroom, beaming, pushing this piss-soaked stick into my face. “Look, look,” she said. I had seen this exact scene play out in countless romantic comedies and sitcom plots over the years. It was... Continue Reading →
We call it Old Man Wednesday. Of course, that’s not its actual name. Wednesdays are officially known as “Growler Night” at the bar where I work, because it’s the night customers are able to fill their growlers for half price. But we bartenders call it that because it’s when the old men come out of... Continue Reading →
I’ve never been much of a Halloween guy. It’s probably because the street I grew up on wasn’t very conducive to trick or treating. There aren’t sidewalks, and the houses are pretty far apart, so it would’ve taken four hours to get down the street on my little legs. So each year, my mom would... Continue Reading →
There’s this game I play with my students on the first day of school, where I ask them near the end of the class to write down something they think they know about me. It’s a task I assign for several purposes, most of which are self-serving. I want to take my students’ temperature, see... Continue Reading →
Author’s note: This is the final installment of a multi-part series. For an optimal reader experience, it’s best to read Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, and Part VI first. We make our way to the cafeteria on the second floor via elevator, which Nick uses as an opportunity to mess... Continue Reading →
Author’s note: This is Part VI of a multi-part series. For an optimal reader experience, it’s best to read Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, and Part V first. This incongruous juxtaposition is what fuels my interest for the remainder of the day. Just like it amused me to think about a pack... Continue Reading →
Author’s note: This is Part V of a multi-part series. For an optimal reader experience, it’s best to read Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV first. After all this talk about costume accuracy, I’m confused about the guy at the table in the corner who wears a half-assed tunic and a pair... Continue Reading →
Author’s note: This is Part IV of a multi-part series. For an optimal reader experience, it’s best to read Part I, Part II, and Part III first. After a final makeup check and assembly of Nick’s double-edged light saber, it’s time to hit the floor. Patrons are already streaming into the main lobby; some of whom are... Continue Reading →
Author’s note: This is Part III of a multi-part series. For an optimal reader experience, it’s best to read Part I and Part II first. We arrive at the museum and I meet a few of Nick’s fellow Legionnaires in the parking lot. They’re all in their late 30s or early 40s and are, to... Continue Reading →