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The Endless Bummer

There’s nothing more relaxing than a family vacation, right?
…obviously you’ve never been on a family vacation.

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Top 5: My Greatest Hits Album

Holy crap, this is my 30th post. Since November, I’ve birthed 62,300 words out into the great abyss of the internet. That’s a couple fewer words than The Sun Also Rises; 16k more than ol’ Scotty wrote in The Great Gatsby. While it would be the humble thing to say I write for myself, that…… Continue Reading →

How Does one Yeet, exactly?

It’s finally summer, a prize every teacher squints at through the long, dark tunnel of the school year. As I spend my final days decluttering the smoldering trash heap that once resembled a classroom, I find it helpful to reflect on the year and give myself a chance to celebrate my accomplishments and identify areas…… Continue Reading →

In Defense of the King

Tuesdays get a bad rap. They’re not as hyperbolically agonizing as Monday, don’t have the hope of Thursday or Friday, and don’t have the cute, camel-related allusions of Wednesday. I like Tuesdays because that’s the day new books come out. And this past Tuesday was more important than most because it was the day one…… Continue Reading →

The Six Million Dollar Mouth

Twice a year, I leave work early and head north on the Capital Beltway for a trip into Maryland. It usually takes me about an hour to make the 28 mile drive and is inevitably replete with sections of turtle-like crawling followed by a hopeful 50mph sprint followed by a sea of sudden tail lights…… Continue Reading →

At the Schoolhouse Gate

At 7 p.m., shit is getting intense. There’s an increased urgency in the newsroom as the staff’s 8 o’clock deadline approaches. Editors piston between reporters shouting final copy and design corrections so they can put the pages to bed. “Okay, let’s look at this lead,” the editor-in-chief says to the news editor, the lenses of…… Continue Reading →

Stranger Danger

Tour is a weird place. You know how sometimes you go to the bar and have so much fun the night just kind of slips away from you? Suddenly it’s 2:45 and the Metro is closed and you somehow lost a shoe and need to vomit up your two helpings of Jumbo Slice? Tour’s pretty…… Continue Reading →

Are You Still Watching?

There’s only one place I wanted to be at 9 p.m. last Sunday night: on my couch in front of the television. I, along with an estimated 17.4 million others around the world, rejoined our favorite cast of double-crossing, Night Army-fighting, family-fucking barbarians for the Season 8 premiere of the epic fantasy HBO series Game…… Continue Reading →

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