Don’t pretend like you weren’t afraid of the dark when you were a kid.
I’m a little fuzzy on what JWO stood for. I’m pretty sure it stood for “Junior Wrestling Organization,” but it’s totally possible it stood for “Juggalo World Order,” which is what just came up when I Googled JWO. Either way, my duties following my induction into the JWO were clear: I was now a member…… Continue Reading →
One of the self-deprecating jokes I make when I introduce myself to someone for the first time is that I peaked in high school. I say it not because I think it’s true, but that it demonstrates I have a sense of irony and perspective on the world not found in all humans. In my…… Continue Reading →
We capped our final evening at the beach the only way that seemed appropriate: by playing a round of mini golf. I loved playing mini golf as a kid. Once a year, my church youth group would take us to Geno’s Putt Putt on Route 45 in Mantua Township, and my friends and I would…… Continue Reading →
The beach was windy as fuck today. Not that calming sea breeze that wraps you in cool tendrils of beach relaxation, but a land breeze, the one that feels like an underwater hair dryer and brings with it every mosquito, green head, and mutant horsefly within a hundred miles. I drilled my beach umbrella extra…… Continue Reading →
It was my turn to visit the front desk, so at 9:30, I took the elevator down and informed yet another Hawaiian shirt-wearing attendant with facial piercings our room was approximately the temperature of the sun. Our good buddy Donald, the repair man I gave a can of beer to 36 hours earlier, knocked on…… Continue Reading →
We picked up the kids from their pizza party, hoping if we couldn’t enjoy our own vacation, at least we could revel in the enjoyment of our children. That’s a thing that happens when you have kids, I guess. It’s somewhat gratifying to see them having a good time, knowing they’re forging memories they’ll cherish…… Continue Reading →
We gathered our belongings and decamped the pool deck, but not without D almost getting leveled by a 200 lb, 14-year-old fish out of water. In the lobby, we were met with a line so long it belonged at an amusement park. Dozens of guests loaded down with beach chairs and umbrellas snaked from the…… Continue Reading →