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The Only 2 (& 1/2) Parenting Tips You’ll Ever Need

Being a parent is not nearly as hard as all those mommy blogs make it out to be.

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The Endless Bummer – Part XIII

The beach was windy as fuck today. Not that calming sea breeze that wraps you in cool tendrils of beach relaxation, but a land breeze, the one that feels like an underwater hair dryer and brings with it every mosquito, green head, and mutant horsefly within a hundred miles. I drilled my beach umbrella extra…… Continue Reading →

The Endless Bummer – Part XII

It was my turn to visit the front desk, so at 9:30, I took the elevator down and informed yet another Hawaiian shirt-wearing attendant with facial piercings our room was approximately the temperature of the sun. Our good buddy Donald, the repair man I gave a can of beer to 36 hours earlier, knocked on…… Continue Reading →

The Endless Bummer – Part XI

We picked up the kids from their pizza party, hoping if we couldn’t enjoy our own vacation, at least we could revel in the enjoyment of our children. That’s a thing that happens when you have kids, I guess. It’s somewhat gratifying to see them having a good time, knowing they’re forging memories they’ll cherish…… Continue Reading →

The Endless Bummer – Part IX

We gathered our belongings and decamped the pool deck, but not without D almost getting leveled by a 200 lb, 14-year-old fish out of water. In the lobby, we were met with a line so long it belonged at an amusement park. Dozens of guests loaded down with beach chairs and umbrellas snaked from the…… Continue Reading →

The Endless Bummer – Part VIII

Day Three I rose with the sun on day three, one of those happy accidents that occur when you’re well-rested and don’t need the squawk of an alarm clock to get your day started. Melinda and the kids were still just beginning their journey to consciousness, so I took my cup of coffee to a…… Continue Reading →

The Endless Bummer – Part V

DAY TWO Nothing attracts the best and brightest specimens humanity has to offer like a complimentary continental breakfast. It was here, in the room off the front lobby I recognized now as the place Dustin went to retrieve my plastic utensils, I first began to realize part of the reason people who could afford to…… Continue Reading →

The Endless Bummer – Part IV

After dinner we gathered the troops for a stroll on the boardwalk. Virginia Beach doesn’t have what I’d call a true boardwalk. The boardwalks of my youth were composed of an overstimulating hodgepodge of food stands, carnival games, and junk shops selling t-shirts with pithy slogans such as “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor”…… Continue Reading →

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