While a snow day means you don’t have to deal with other people’s asshole kids, it means you have to deal with your own.
The beach was windy as fuck today. Not that calming sea breeze that wraps you in cool tendrils of beach relaxation, but a land breeze, the one that feels like an underwater hair dryer and brings with it every mosquito, green head, and mutant horsefly within a hundred miles. I drilled my beach umbrella extra…… Continue Reading →
It was my turn to visit the front desk, so at 9:30, I took the elevator down and informed yet another Hawaiian shirt-wearing attendant with facial piercings our room was approximately the temperature of the sun. Our good buddy Donald, the repair man I gave a can of beer to 36 hours earlier, knocked on…… Continue Reading →
We picked up the kids from their pizza party, hoping if we couldn’t enjoy our own vacation, at least we could revel in the enjoyment of our children. That’s a thing that happens when you have kids, I guess. It’s somewhat gratifying to see them having a good time, knowing they’re forging memories they’ll cherish…… Continue Reading →
We gathered our belongings and decamped the pool deck, but not without D almost getting leveled by a 200 lb, 14-year-old fish out of water. In the lobby, we were met with a line so long it belonged at an amusement park. Dozens of guests loaded down with beach chairs and umbrellas snaked from the…… Continue Reading →
DAY TWO Nothing attracts the best and brightest specimens humanity has to offer like a complimentary continental breakfast. It was here, in the room off the front lobby I recognized now as the place Dustin went to retrieve my plastic utensils, I first began to realize part of the reason people who could afford to…… Continue Reading →